


Close the door behind you

by mabomanji



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Home, M/M, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 13:37:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2350334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mabomanji/pseuds/mabomanji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky wakes up from a nightmare screaming and rejects Steve's help, he's ready to go out and run to release his tension to Steve's disappointment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close the door behind you

He wakes up screaming, hearing his own scream as if someone else was yelling somewhere else. He realizes it is himself when his voice gives up and the sound just dies. His throat is hurting and he is still caught in the last threads of his nightmare, long dark fingers trying to bring him back to this blackness he just barely escaped. He throws his covers away in a violent push, letting them fall on the floor where he puts his own feet, trying to master the dizziness he feels starting to build in his head. He takes his head in his hands, trying to calm his erratic breathing.  
He feels a hand rest on his shoulder and soft words spoken to him to ease his tension but everything feels annoying suddenly. He pushes back the hand and gets up at once, trying to get away from the reassuring voice that tries to reach him. He could just hear the last notes of his cry combined with the cries of the people he saw in his dream, dead people, dead because of him, and the cries wouldn’t stop. He feels the rush of emotions and anguish grow inside of him and he knows he needs to do something about it, he can’t possibly stay here and hope for it to just go away on its own. He feels a rush of electricity spread in all of his body.  
Another hand tries to catch his arm but gently and almost just brushing it but it’s enough to make him recoil in disgust. He let’s the words escape his mouth : “No ! I need to go out ! I can’t stay here !” pacing in circles in his room, trying to find the way out of his head, out of his anxiety. He hears the voice again, a little bit more clearly now. “Let me help you Bucky, i’m here, it was just a nightmare !”  
He shakes his head, trying to make it go away “No i don’t need your help ! You know nothing about my nightmares ! It can’t be /just/ a nightmare ! It’s torture ! It’s darkness and it’s endless !”  
He feels tears of frustration run down his cheeks and it makes him even angrier. He’s in a turmoil and can’t seem to find the way out.  
“Ok then…” The calm voice draws his attention and for the first time he clearly sees the face of Steve, but what he sees as he’s so on edge, is the raw sadness of his friend. He just yelled at him rejecting his help. And look at that pain in his eyes, he had never seen it in those eyes.  
“Let me take you out then, i’ll go out with you and run…  
\- NO ! You can’t come !” His hands are still gripped on his head, trying to block every sound, even this little conversation is taking up all his strength.  
Only silence answers him and he can’t help but look at Steve again, and that hurt look he has is finally reaching Bucky’s heart. He feels his nerves cooling down abruptly, leaving him a little bit shivering. But the words he said are too strong and he doesn’t know what to do now. He just can’t seem to go back and he mechanically starts dressing up in sports clothes, slowly sitting down to try putting on his shoes, as Steve takes a few steps back and put his back to the wall, feeling incredibly small, smaller than he’s ever been since becoming Captain America. Now he just looks like the old Steve and this sight disturbs Bucky greatly.  
His hands are shaking, he’s still feeling feverish, he fails at tying his shoes three times before he sees Steve’s big hands reaching for his shoes and for once he says nothing and let’s him do it. Once it’s done Steve helps him up and put a jacket on him, pushing him to the door, even opening it for him, leaving him there a little startled and unsure of what to do. Steve goes back to the living room, not looking at him once, expecting the door to close any minute. Seeing his back walking away from him, pains Bucky more than he expected. He was so tensed up and nervous not so long ago but now he’s cold as ice. He’s one step out and one step still in, still pondering on leaving or not. He yelled so loudly, he had felt this intense need of getting out and breathing fresh air, but he can’t find this feeling in him anymore. He takes a step back and pushes the door close, remaining inside.

He turns around and sees Steve sitting on the couch, head buried in his hands and he can hear him start crying. The sound of it tightens his heart. He gets close to him silently, stealthy like he has been trained to. He kneels in front of him and takes his hands, startling him, making him look up, tears still falling on his cheeks.  
“I’m so sorry Steve…” he whispers “I was so confused by my nightmare I said terrible things to you” He squeezes Steve’s hands, trying to convey his repentance with his body.  
“I want to stay with you here, I won’t go anywhere !” He takes him in his arms, caressing his neck and hair to reassure him. He can feel his tension under his fingers and he is the reason for it.   
“Thank you for helping me so much, i know it’s really hard to deal with me…  
\- I wouldn’t want it any other way” Steve answers in a muffled voice “I just want to help you no matter what !” He buries his face even more on Bucky’s neck, his cries finally receding until he’s fully calm.  
Now that they’re entangled in this warm embrace neither of them wants to let go of the other. But there is so much time one can spend like that and they sure need a change of mood.  
Steve lifts his head up, looking shyly at Bucky. “Want some pancakes instead of your run ?”  
He’s startled by this proposition but soon he lets a soft smile appear on his lips “I’d love to eat some pancakes !”  
Steve suddenly gets up, all rejuvenated and goes to the kitchen while the sun already starts to rise.  
Bucky’s breath gets caught when he watches Steve dressed in a white t-shirt and the sun lights up his silhouette making his back and blond hair shine like gold.  
He’s fascinated by this vision and still flooded with emotions so he can’t resist it. He gets up like in a dream, a sunny dream, and gets close to him, hugging him from behind.  
Steve freezes under this touch, stopping his cooking suddenly. It’s the first time Bucky’s showing any affection for him spontaneously. It looks like he’s hiding against Steve’s back which is so big and muscled, so comforting, he can’t help but squeeze tighter.  
Steve holds Bucky’s hand where it’s squeezing his torso to reassure him. They’re not moving at all for a moment but then Bucky feels like he’s bothering Steve when he should be cooking the pancakes and he tries to remove his hands but Steve grab them instantly, stopping him from moving away. “You can stay like that i don’t mind, i can still cook.”  
Bucky hesitates but Steve’s grip on his hands is too strong so he just leans back against his back, relishing his warmth.  
He finally finishes cooking the pancakes, taking his time moving around at a very slow pace so that Bucky can follow smoothly and stay as close to him as possible. The sweet smell of the pastry mixes with the soft scent coming from Steve’s body and it feels like being in a cocoon. He can feel the tight bond linking him to Steve.  
But then it’s time to end this precious moment. Now that the cooking is over he offers to help with washing the dishes as payment. Steve tries to prevent him from doing it but ends up letting him do it. He then finds a way of staying close by drying the dishes. They exchange a knowing look while doing the chores. They start smiling and their hearts burst with tenderness. This everyday life moment is so soft and quiet it’s a real joy for them.

They settle around the kitchen table, starting dressing pancakes, trading syrup for chocolate in turns. They are happily chatting about minor things, often laughing on Sam’s account. But soon Bucky’s eyes grow weary and his head starts swaying.  
“Come on Bucky let’s get you back to bed” He barely hears the voice before realizing Steve is talking about him. He then realizes how tired he is. He lets Steve grab his arm and show him to his bed tucking him under the covers. A sudden fright gets hold of him. “Where are you going ?”  
Steve frowns but then he realizes he already knows what he’s going to do  
“I’m not going to the living room…  
\- To your bedroom then ?  
\- No not in my bedroom”   
The day is already starting though, Bucky wonders why he wouldn’t go to his room. He’s already half asleep but tortured by these vague answers.  
“So where are you going then, i don’t understand, if you’re not going… to…  
\- Bucky i’m staying with you”  
The smile on Bucky’s face is so cute, Steve can’t help but smile back. “I can’t let you alone when you’re having nightmares, i’ll stay here and make them go away”  
He sits on the bed next to Bucky, choosing a book that was left on the floor and starts reading.  
Bucky lies deeper under his covers, turning towards Steve, just devouring him with his eyes. Steve caresses his hair nonchalantly “I’m not going anywhere you can sleep now”   
He has just said the words that Bucky falls asleep straightaway. 

He wakes up humming, opens his eyes to be surprised by the presence of Steve’s face right in front of his. He stayed with him all morning and ended up sleeping close to him.  
The midday light softly shines on Steve’s face and Bucky just can’t help his hand to reach for it, fingertips touching his cheek. It’s enough to make him stir and sigh.  
“Hello” Steve says in a really gentle voice when he sees his friend awake, and then he turns on his back, stretching out.  
Bucky reluctantly watches him get up and go out of the room. The moment is gone and the soft awakening is passed. He’s left in an empty bed that’s already cooling off.  
He can hear Steve’s footstep through the apartment, he knows he’s going to take a shower. When he gets out he goes to his room but instead of staying there he comes back to Bucky’s room, asking for a little room in the bed which Bucky gives him more than happily seizing this opportunity to rest his head on Steve’s strong chest, taking him a little by surprise. Steve then starts casually caressing Bucky’s left shoulder and back, playing with his fingers on the edge of the metal. The sensation is weird and Bucky let’s a whine that alerts Steve.  
“What is it Bucky ?” He moves him away a little bit and let him lie on the bed, making sure he’s alright, a hand still on his waist, never leaving him.  
“It’s nothing, i’m alright.” He says as reassuring as he can but the sensation was so unexpected that he’s a little bit out of breath. “It’s just that the skin close to the metal is really sensitive, i’m not used to being touched there…” He ends in a small voice.  
Steve looks closely to the way skin and metal unite in a particular area and it sure looks sensitive and red but most of all it looks translucent. He can’t help reaching for it, caressing with many precautions this particular part of Bucky’s chest linked to the metallic arm.  
“It’s amazing how it looks exactly like your old arm. And it’s so powerful, you wouldn’t know seeing it gleam so prettily in the sun light.” All those positive remarks shake Bucky a little who always thought about his arm with horror. He thought Steve would avoid ever touching it but it’s the opposite. He caresses both his metallic arm and his flesh, the feeling is wondrous. He’s making him whole again, he’s no longer part metal part human, he’s a mix of both with every quality.


End file.
